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Yes its sinking in.. Rank 40, CSE 2015.The UPSC circle- the close and the beginning.

Bagh-e-Bahisht Se Mujhe Hukam-e-Safar Diya Tha Kyun Kaar-e-Jahan Daraz Hai, Ab Mera Intezar Kar                      - Mohammad...

Friday, March 24, 2017

To mountains, with love.



Far away on those mountains, I see a small chalet, and there, a woman smiling at me with limpid eyes. She looks familiar. Like I can see myself in her, just a little older and wiser. 

Her eyes tell me she has traversed these paths before, and felt their soul. I can sense stories reeking out of her enchanting smile. Stories of love and loss, despondency and hope, of trust, of laughter, of togetherness, written right here, amidst these hills.

Stories deprived of language, but containing within them all that music is. Stories sans alphabet. For all that was to be said, had been spoken amidst these mountains once. And understood. Absorbed. Between dusk and night. Between coffee and wine. Between sound and meaning. Between emotion and embrace.

As these stories reach me, a strange mountain breeze blows from somewhere and my hair and scarf drift me ahead. I feel myself borne onward along a force whose source seems to be in all that is, in the very beginning of things, in the core which sustains us. I am drawn towards the mountains and as the breeze reaches my ears, I can hear what those two brown wise eyes and one enchanting smile on the other side have to say to me -


" Live. All that is here and now, is yours. Nothing more. Nothing less. Live. One day, you'll understand. And you'll smile, with wet limpid eyes. That day, you'll melt in these mountains, become one with them. After all, its for the molten magma inside, that the mountains rise. Live. "




"इन पहाड़ों में लिपटी हुई 
एक सुबह है यहाँ,
और एक शाम है 
मै इसी का तो हूँ,
इसमें खो जाऊंगा। 
इसका हो जाऊंगा। 

क्यों धुआं हैं यहाँ ?,क्या हुआ है यहाँ ?
क्या मेरा आसमाँ, मुझसे नाराज़ है?
क्या ये मेरी ज़मीं, मुझसे नासाज़ है?
मै इसी का तो हूँ,
इसमें खो जाऊंगा। 
इसका हो जाऊंगा। 

आसमाँ जब मिलेगा धरा से,
कुछ बारिशों में कहीं,
हाँ इसी का तो हूँ ,
मै बरस जाऊँगा  
तुझमें बस जाऊँगा। 

तुझमें सो जाऊँगा 
तेरा हो जाऊँगा। "

PS: wrote prose after a long time. Got reminded of something I wrote years back... Those two brown twinkling eyes.

Thursday, March 23, 2017

This silence needs a healing.


This silence rushes like water
- spills and spreads -
through all the paths, 
it carefully treads..
This silence meanders.
Boulders and cobbles and pebbles and clay
whirl through its dreams and fears.

This silence is a river,
Whom its own debris keeps peeling.
This silence needs 
- a healing -

This silence combusts like a flame,
burning red and orange and yellow and white.
This silence flickers.
It is shivering in its own light.

This silence is an ignited gas
trapped between
- concealing and revealing -
This silence needs
- a healing -

This silence is an aching bird,
who's wings are melting away.
Will the sky hold it?
The bird still breathes, it is still feeling.
This silence needs
- a healing -

Monday, March 13, 2017

The colliding elements.

"क्या तुम इन पानियों में घुल गए हो ?
या मैं सागर-सा तुम पर गिरने लगा हूँ ? "

Have you dissolved 
in me 
- as blue -
oh sky!
Or have I begun, 
to fall 
- on you -
releasing myself 
from all 
gravity?

Photograph: Clicked near Lakshadweep, India.

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Because I had been searching.

"मैंने ढूंढा है, हाँ तुझको ; सारे जग में , सबमें , मुझमें 
पल-पल , दिन- दिन , हफ़्तों-हफ़्तों , सालों- सालों 
...................... सदियाँ -सदियाँ।  
 कोई खोया-सा बच्चा जैसे; हो ढूंढ रहा इस सागर में 
तत्पर-तत्पर , बेचैन- बेचैन ,बिस्मिल-बिस्मिल, बेकल- बेकल 
 ......................अपनी परियाँ।  "

Photograph: taken at Bangaram island, Lakshadweep, India
बिस्मिल - wounded
बेकल - distraught
तत्पर- ready, ripe

Saturday, February 25, 2017

Winning or losing.

It was never about you winning or you losing. It was all about making you better.
And then, did you actually want it so easy?
Burn.
It was not about victory taking away all your darkness. It never can.
It was all about making you the light.
It was never about you winning or you losing.

Thursday, February 23, 2017

Made of the same material.

Right at that moment I wanted to feel the sea. Know it complete. Touch all that was buried inside his heart. Difficult he was.

But believe me, it was like having found a friend who knows your melancholy, stirs it up, brings you face to face with your own turbulence. As if both of you were made up of the same material.

Its all water you see.
I wanted to cry in his blue arms. But I stood there smiling with wet eyes.
Its all water you see

Thursday, February 9, 2017

How do I answer the questions cities put to me?


शहरों से शहरों के बीच, तू मिल जाता है मुझको
हर एक रास्ते पर
हरा या पीला या सतरंगा कोई पेड़ बनके
मैं गाड़ी की खिड़की से तकतीं हूँ ,
तेरी शाखों पर बंधे धागे
- धागों से वादे -
- वादों से नग़में -
- और नग़मों से गुनगुनाती  -
मिट्टी की ख़ुशबू
बारिश की थिरकन
पत्तों की कंपन
और आसमां का मुझपर आसरा।

फिर भी इन शहरों में लोग अक्सर मुझसे पूछा करतें हैं,
" तू है कहाँ ?"

Saturday, February 4, 2017

How much can you absorb?

I have it all. Buried deep under my skin.
Too much. Too little.
- How much -
do you want ?

I have it all. Bubbling, burbling, murmuring
in the spaces of my mind
Too wide. Too narrow
- How much - 
can you hold?

I have it all. Foaming, spuming, sparkling 
in my soul
Too eternal. Too ephemeral
- How much -
can you absorb?

How much can you absorb?
With yours
Within yours?

Photograph clicked at: Kupwara, Jammu and Kashmir, India.

Friday, February 3, 2017

I will dance tonight.

The sun will rise.
over our own little planets.
The wind will erode you.
The rain will make you tremble.
Seasons and their cycles will dance upon us
- bubbling colours -
- curling syllables -
- spilling music -
that a stranger whispered in those ears 
once upon a time.
"Gather yourself. Assemble."

I will paint tonight.
I will colour my own darkness.
I will dance tonight.
I will fill with music, my own hollow.
I have seen enough lifelessness.
I will believe tonight. Life will follow.

Life will follow.

Photograph clicked at: Jammu and Kashmir, India.